Book review: Julia Samuel Grief Works

I have a lot of books in my study about the meaning of life, life’s purpose, man’s search for meaning, and more, but I only have one book about death. On reflection this is a little odd since the one thing we can be certain of is that we will encounter death through our life, and we are going to die.

“In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes
Benjamin Franklyn

Jane a wonderful old school friend who works at Cruse as a volunteer & spokesperson, she suggested that I double my book count on death and grief with the book “Grief Works” by bereavement expert Julia Samuel. It’s a fast warm read and encapsulates 25 years of working with this tsunami emotion. There are case studies about the death of a partner, death of a sibling, the death of a child, one’s own death. They are not designed to be a template as grief is different for everyone. They are merely there to show how things can happen.

 

Here are my personal takeaways from her book

  • Grief is a natural process, it’s not a disease and yet we don’t talk about it. We can often feel uncomfortable when someone is grieving.
  • We need to accept that grief is an integral part of life and be able to speak about it.
  • Grief is not something that can be solved it can only be felt. It takes time and it is different for each one of us, it cannot be hurried.
  • Julia offers suggestions to help cope with grief rather than prescriptions, resisting the temptation for us to be able solve everything.
  • She believes that we need to be able to express our grief. This can take many forms. It could be talking to a friend or therapist, or maybe writing about it. The expression of grief can be through painting or music, or maybe it’s none of those. It doesn’t matter, the individual should be able to express it as they wish, in their own time at their own pace, there is no right way of doing this.
  • Grief is a stressor and signals our body to be on alert. It can feel similar to how we experience fear. It is helpful to find ways to turn this down. This can be achieved from exercise, such as running, walking, yoga or mediation or relaxation, anything that helps to kick in the rest and digest part of the automatic nervous system.